A way of life.

It is 2am, Ivy's glucose levels are slowly creeping up, I have been hoping that she won't wake  because hyperglycaemia seems to really affect her when she wakes with it..I suppose that is because she goes to bed feeling fine and wakes up feeling awful. Sadly, that happened tonight, she woke up sobbing and she needed a correction injection. She is coming back down now and is sleepily watching Postman Pat, my poor girl, it is times like this when the 'why hers' hit me; she will never know what her life was like before she was diagnosed,  she won't remember being able to charge around Anchors Away, soft play centre, for as long as she wanted to without me stopping her every half an hour to test her blood and make sure she eats something if she begins to drop too quickly. She won't remember messy play at home with lots of different foods that she can explore, squidge, squeeze and taste without me monitoring everything and  having to interfere with her exploration and learning. She won't know that she used to eat what she liked, when she liked with spontaneity,  without me checking her blood was ok and giving her insulin to balance the food. Everything seems so rigid at the moment,  I find myself checking every wrapper and weighing so many things to try and find little things that she can eat without us having to interfere and take the fun out of it-we have spent a fortune on babybels, that little round circle definitely makes her smile!

There has been so much in the media the last few weeks stating that Diabetes is draining the NHS and only 20 minutes of exercise a day can cure it, blah blah. They mostly neglect to distinguish between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes; T2 is mostly caused by lifestyle factors and can be reversed, life can return to how it was before diagnosis. T1 (at the moment) can't be cured. I recently complained to a national newspaper because it clearly stated that "T1 is caused by overexposure to cane sugar", I couldn't believe it!! The Editor of that newspaper replied and apologised for the mistake. Ivy didn't do anything to cause her pancreas to stop working and without us, managing her condition, she would die. Her glucose levels will soar when she consumes any carbohydrates and she will be insulin dependent for the rest of her life. Only insulin can help to bring these levels under control, a daily battle and delicate balancing act. It was nothing to do with cane sugar, any other foods or lifestyle factors. It has been almost 9 weeks since her diagnosis now, it hasn't become any easier but it has become normal and our way of life. It is unpredictable and we are still having to check every 2 hours through the night but I don't care. I miss things from our 'old life' but I don't miss anything for myself, I miss things for Ivy; she will never know her life to be any different, a blessing in disguise maybe? People always ask would you prefer to see the colours in the world and then lose your sight or never be able to see but not miss those colours? A hard choice to make, if you're lucky enough to choose.

Ivy is amazing, I can't praise her enough. I hope that this innocent acceptance of her condition sticks around for as long as possible, I dread the day she asks 'why me?'...I'll tell her that she was born so perfect that she had to be a diabetic child, she can cope with it because she is so amazing and strong,  another little child might not be able to cope with it and they would become very poorly. I'll tell her to embrace it and to promote living with it and not let it hold her back. I'll tell her to chase her dreams and to shout it from the rooftops when she achieves them. I'll tell her to be proud of herself and to never be ashamed.

I'll remind her that little girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice; she was just made a little sweeter than most.